Professor of Tellernomics and Other Stories

I went to the bank today, to find out why the bank manager told me, that as long as I kept a certain amount of money in my checking account, I would not be charged a monthly fee, but was still being charged $9.95 a month. I walked into a fairly empty lobby and discovered one bank employee and a couple seated at a desk. The two tellers and the bank manager were all behind a glass partition waiting on customers in a roped off line. It was a pretty typical scene. I proceeded to sit in the nice padded chairs, that were arranged around a coffee table. I sat for about ten minutes watching the employee behind the desk, watch the couple on the phone, with what must have been another department of the bank. The woman looked distraught and the man seemed to be there for moral support. The manager came out of the glass area three times, talked with a customer that came in after me, and never said a word to me. In fact, nobody said a word to me, not even the guy who was behind the desk watching the couple on the phone. I looked at the other desks and noticed, that one seemed to have an employee working there,

that must be at lunch, because note papers and pens were sitting there. The man behind the desk got up finally, went through a door, and joined the other employees behind the glass partition. He left the couple talking on the phone. He finally came out, sat back down, and watched the couple on the phone for a few more minutes. Then he listened to the man give him a lecture, about what was happening to the woman, who was still on the phone. Then the employee decided to get up and help me. I asked him about my problem, and he told me that I needed to deposit a different amount($500 dollars more than I was originally told) so that I would not be charged a monthly fee. Fine, I said, I will just make a deposit and be on my way. I joined the line of customers behind the rope, that had now grown to about 6 people. When I reached the window the teller decided to explain to me, without me saying a word, that next time I could simply go to the ATM and make my deposit. I remained quiet, because at this point, I just wanted to get out of the bank. The teller seemed to take this as a moment to further explain the procedures involved in making a deposit at the ATM, How I would get a nice receipt and so forth. I remained silent. I think my silence was driving him a little crazy and he may have thought he offended me, but no he kept on talking, so if next time you are in a hurry you can use the ATM. I felt like saying thank you professor, should I come to your next lecture at 2:30. I held my tongue however, and said thank you, punched my parking validation and got out of there.

I am beginning to think I look like I need special help in public. I had two bus drivers recently, that felt the need to explain things to me. One of the bus drivers was an airport shuttle driver, who felt the need to explain to me, that I should have gotten off the bus earlier, to catch the city bus, even though the automatic voice told me I had two choices, and I chose the second one, because I am a little lazy and don't like to walk the extra block. I have taken this shuttle several times. The second bus driver was a city bus driver, who was flying down the road so fast, that even the automatic voice, that calls the stops, was having trouble keeping up with him. I pulled the string to request a stop, and when I started to get off, the bus driver started in on me. You're lucky I stopped any later and you would have been walking back. When I didn't acknowledge him he repeated what he said and I simply said thank you and got off the bus. Is everyone on a power trip or do I need a shave and a hair cut?